The Things We Do For Love Or Because Our Penis Controls Our Brain

I have experienced revenge before. My present partner and I have an agreement where we can both have sex with other people. There are some rules, which I agreed to but didn’t actually devise. He has for more than a year chosen not to exercise his right to have casual sex. I have exercised my right and I have broken some of the rules. He knows that. Last Thursday he chose to have a threesome with two Australian guys and I am really upset by it. I shouldn’t be. I have done the same thing. I think what upset me about it that he has said for a year he didn’t want or need to. Then suddenly out of the blue he does. When I ask him why he has changed his mind he goes on about how I have broken the rules. I then say to him that it sounds like he is paying me back for what he perceives I have done to him. I know maybe I should not have behaved as I did but I didn’t do anything to him really. The things I have done don’t change the way I feel about him. I have given him my heart and no one else will get that. Why doesn’t he understand that? I can’t explain why it bothered me so much though. It’s because he has decided to do this for revenge. He said yes he had when I kept pressing the issue. He feels I have hurt him by what I have done. It has nothing to do with him. I am fulfilling a basic drive. I don’t even really like the people I have had sex with. Back to revenge though. I do know about it. Michael, took the ultimate revenge on me by hanging himself. He left a note to make sure I knew that’s what he was doing. This month is the 11th anniversary of his death and I know as he intended what he did that Sunday night in our garage will never ever go from me. My thoughts are for all the families who lost loved ones on this day in the USA too. This blog is a bit of a rant………….maybe on later re-reading I need to delete it.