Black Hole

Since getting Oliver’s passport I have been in a black hole of depression. My elation has been replaced by a nagging worry that when I try to leave the country with him for the first time and I am going to be given a hard time by the immigration officials. I am thinking of taking Achand with us when we leave so as to minimise the hassles. He is also going to get Oliver’s mother to sign a letter saying she gives me permission to take Oliver out of the country at any time. Maybe it’s because I have been ill for the past week too. Have a nasty cold. I flew to Jakarta at the weekend to see Ade and felt like crap all weekend. I didn’t feel like being there and considering it cost nearly 600 dollars – it was a bit of a waste. I ended up apologising to him because I didn’t feel well and I was in a foul mood the whole time. To make matters worse I keep thinking about Urdik. School is driving me nuts too. As usual too much going on and that’s about to get worse as we have the end of semester fucking reports to get done. I hate doing them. We modified the form so they are less arduous but they are still a major imposition and will dominate my waking hours for the next few weeks. That’s what I resent. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! A few weeks ago I remember being quite happy. What’s happened?